Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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