i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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