He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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