So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
