Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
