He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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