just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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