I look better un-naked...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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