1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
