I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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