Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
