I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
