I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
