Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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