I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize