i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
