some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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