i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
