I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
