The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
