He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
