Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize