Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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