I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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