I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
