Will you blow on my dice?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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