I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
