Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
