I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
