I'm drive I can fine osifer
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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