What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize