He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
