im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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