One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
