I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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