Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
