i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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