so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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