Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
