Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
