like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
