Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize