So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
