She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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