this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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