So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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