On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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