Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize