even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize