I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No subtext here. People are naked.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
