She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
