dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
