I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
