We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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