Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
