ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
only if we run a train.
done.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
