he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
