It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
