I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
