I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
