U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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