Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize