go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize