all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
