everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
