here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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