I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
