Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
