He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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