He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
