covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
