You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
