who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
