And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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