I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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