Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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