someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I should be sponsored by Trojan
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
