i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
