New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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