i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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