So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize