I hope mine doesn't look like that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
