He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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