giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
