I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
