I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize