4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
