I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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