i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
