Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
