It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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