just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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