I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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